"Guess I gotta guess why all the girls avoid me like poison. Is it 'cause I'm seven feet wide, or I act like I'm seven years old?"

dysfcnxtional:

image

"Maybe at a later date, I have a lot of homework to do, so. —- Charming, I’m sure you’ll make a great husband one day. Um, I’ve always lived here, you’ve probably just been too busy being anti-social to notice that I get the mail the same time as you do every fucking day."

Homework, lame. I’m sure I will make a great husband to a woman who doesn’t want kids. Plus, I think it’s just other people’s kids that I hate. Oh, wait. You’re that one girl that always complains about getting everyone else’s mail. I learned to tune you out. How have you been? Did you get that sorted out?

hollywoodhippieshai:

Very clever. What else can you say though? I mean.. You kind of had to give him that one.

image

If only I would have had some kind of list prepared. Reasons To Turn Down, or something. 

dysfcnxtional:

image

"What the hell is the Kids? Are you seriously that old? Didn’t know I lived next door to some creepy old pedophile. I’ll make a mental note to avoid you."

It’s just Kids. Google it or something, I’m not Mr. Moviefone. I’m not that old. And I’m not a pedophile. I just mean, I’m not friendly and I hate kids, so no one ever asks me to babysit. Not that I’d ever agree to it, anyway. I’d have to hide all my cool shit. So, since when do you live next door to me? 

hollywoodhippieshai:

Oh.. You poor soul..That’s just.. Oh my god. I don’t even.. How do you even respond to that? 

image

I went with ‘touche’ and walked away. 

innocentlyfriendly:

Don’t even act like you didn’t do the same thing when you were there age. 

image

That song wasn’t even out when I was their age. 

dysfcnxtional:

image

"Mmm, and that’s why you don’t deal with children, my dear. Have you learned nothing from past babysitting gigs?"

How was I supposed to know that a preteen was going to answer the door? I thought I lived across the hall from adults. Instead it’s like the taping of the Kids remake over there. Do I really seem like the kinda guy that people let babysit?

So I went across the hall to ask my neighbors to turn down their music and his response was to shout ‘turn down for what?’ in my face. Is this what my life has become?

©